Later, on the beach, the Amazons burn their dead, or the first batch, anyway. It’s night. Many surviving Amazons look on. So does Zola. Hermes. Wonder Woman.
She’s human size now—she was gigantic, before, during the massacre—and she’s hangin’ out with the crowd to watch the funeral pyres burn.
She caused all these deaths!
Is it me? Or is it friggin’ inexplicable why she’s standing right there and no one who is watching the flames consume the body of their sister, mother, daughter, friend or comrade is doing anything?! Not any of the mighty Amazon warriors, not Queen Hippolyta…
…and not Wonder Woman!
You might say what can they do? She’s a god!
Well, seems to me I just saw a single arrow do some serious damage to her fellow-god Hermes.Maybe that was a special, magical arrow, pooped by Hera herself. But, if so, nobody let me know. There is so much the creators of this thing don’t let you know. But, it doesn’t matter. If one of those burning corpses was my sister, I sure as hell would plant an arrow or two in that Strife bitch, consequences be damned.
And I’m not a mighty warrior. I’m a peaceful guy. But I’d be an enraged berserker right about then.And I cannot believe that Wonder Woman, the Wonder Woman I know, who is noble and surpassingly courageous, would be deterred from action by any odds.
This is someone wearing a costume somewhat reminiscent of Wonder Woman’s. This cannot be Wonder Woman.
The real Wonder Woman kicks Strife’s heinous ass and brings her to justice. Or dies in the attempt. And don’t bet on her dying.
But, this impostor and her fellow Amazons seem to have a pretty laid back attitude about the massacre.Dialogue for the Amazons I wish to contribute:
“Boy, Strife sure fooled us!”
“Yep, we were killing each other!”
“Because of her. But technically, she didn’t actually kill anyone.”
“Nope, it was all our fault. Silly us.”“The gods are always pranking us, those scamps! But, that’s the way it goes.”“You’re right. I’m a little miffed, but…hey, do you think her dress is made of electrical tape?”
Alone, on her knees in the city square, Hippolyta laments: “Diana…my child…I will spend a lifetime…to take back this day.”
What? She’s sad, I get that, but…what the hell does that mean? I don’t know.
The next day. More funeral pyres are being built.
Aleka blames WW-impostor for the many Amazon dead. She’s the one who brought the “musk,” Hermes, and the mortal, Zola, to Paradise Island.
What exactly do the musk and the mortal have to do with the massacre? And how is it WW-impostor’s fault?
Well, I suppose WW-impostor thought that Paradise Island would be a good place to hide Zola from Hera, and a good place for Hermes to recuperate. So…I guess…if it wasn’t for the musk and the mortal, WW-impostor wouldn’t have come home, and therefore, Strife might have gone to London for her stated purpose: “…to embrace my little sister.” Therefore, Strife’s explosive arrival and the ensuing massacre are little sister WW-impostor’s fault. Sort of. You think that’s what dimbulb Aleka meant?
I think Aleka is just annoyed by the fact that WW-impostor bested her with effortless ease three times by my count.
Aleka calls WW-impostor “Clay.”Strife, who is gigantic again, is lounging on the beach where more funeral pyres are being built and bunches more bodies are being gathered for burning. Being gigantic is apparently a thing Strife can do, and Wikipedia confirms that Eris/Strife “…is only a little thing at first, but thereafter strides on the earth with her head striking heaven.” Strife laughs at WW-impostor being called Clay.
Aleka and other Amazons whine a little to Strife about causing the slaughter and now, mocking them. They whine. That’s all.
Looming Strife, quick with the quips, laughs at them and makes a snarky reply.
I keep wondering about Paradise Island. Per Hera: “That cockless coop, improperly named….” Good line! Paradise Island is populated only by women, the Amazons. The Amazons live as if in ancient Greek times. They practice combat a lot. They are in constant preparation for war. With swords, bows, spears, axes, etc.
War against whom?!
Couldn’t one B-2 erase Paradise Island easily? Couldn’t a SEAL team with a Marine amphibious assault force behind them wipe out these classical age woman warriors without breaking a sweat? Who are they training to fight? Jason and the Argonauts?
Another thing: WW-impostor’s alleged creation from clay seems to be a one-off, so presumably they need male input in one way or another to make more Amazons….
…but males are “musk,” which is despised.
Okay. Can’t wait to find out how making new little Amazons works. But I’m not holding my breath waiting for the info.
We are expected to simply accept whatever we are shown about Paradise Island. I guess anything we’re not shown is none of our business.
Later, in Amazon Town, WW-impostor chats with still-giant Strife. It’s all cool. Polite. Friendly enough.
At first. Then, WW-impostor, Hermes, Zola and Strife get into some strife about how people can be cruel. Like, oh, say, Strife.
Strife reveals that daddy Zeus, when drunk once, let her in on the fact that he was WW-impostor’s father.
Hippolyta and entourage show up. Hippolyta admits that she had a tryst with Zeus, got pregnant and bore WW-impostor. She made up a story about WW-impostor being made from clay and animated by the gods as part of a cover up to keep Hera from finding out.
WW-impostor is shocked and angry. I’m not quite sure why. Her thought process, I suppose, goes like this: “Let’s see…my father was the king of the gods, I was conceived and born in the normal way, and I’m not actually a glob of clay brought to life. My mother and some co-conspirators lied to me about the whole deal. Made from clay. That seemed reasonable. I bought it. But it’s a lie! I’m so upset.”
WW-impostor is angry and storms away.
She smashes a lot of trees and stuff on the way to the beach. Comic book characters who are angry or upset usually smash stuff. Crushing bricks is popular. It was cool the first time Stan and Steve’s Spider-Man did it.
It’s dark by now.
On the beach, Aleka and a horde of Amazons who have, one would guess, spent the day building pyres and stacking corpses on them see WW-impostor arriving.
Why is she going to the beach? Is she going to swim to London?
Aleka accuses WW-impostor of bringing shame to their island. WW-impostor slugs her. Fourth time she’s humbled Aleka, the big, stupid, punching-bag chump who never learns.
WW-impostor ignites the funeral pyres by blowing flames from a torch to all the pyres with super-breath like Superman of the 1960’s.
She says, “The only shame on this island is mine.” She’s leaving and never coming back, taking the shame with her, as it were. And she is no longer “Diana,” the oddly Roman name Hippolyta gave her, nor is she “Clay,” because she wasn’t/isn’t—she is Wonder Woman, she says. There is significance to this pronouncement that escapes me.
At some unspecified time, Bright-eyes strides through a stupidly unlikely firefight in Darfur, unconcerned, apparently unnoticed by the combatants. He enters a stupidly unlikely bar. The only living being there is an elderly guy called “War.” At some point earlier, I forget where, Ares was mentioned, and in the same balloon, called War. So, it’s Ares, or War. A god.
Makes sense, I suppose, that Bright-eyes would find War hanging around in Darfur. Drinking heavily. I guess presiding over humans slaughtering each other troubles even War. Bright-eyes and War talk.
Cut to a nightclub in London. WW-impostor is there, in civvies, listening to the band with a seltzer and grapefruit juice in hand. She looks, grim, serious.Hermes and Zola are there, too. Oh, my gods, Strife is also there!
Why not? On Paradise Island, this pithless pretender, WW-impostor, was willing to hang around and chat with Strife, who was responsible for the deaths of many Amazons. Why not go clubbing with her?
No one notices that Hermes is blue, or has bird feet. No one in this comic book would notice winged monkeys flying out of his butt. Strife is flesh-colored in the first panel of this sequence, thereafter, for a while, she’s blue. No one notices. No one would notice flaming hippos leaping out of her nose.WW-impostor is cold and snotty to Strife. Well, that’s a step in the right direction. Strife is unctuously snide. WW-impostor is annoyed.
Cut to Paradise Island. There’s a nasty storm going on. Hippolyta knows what it means. Hera has come.
Let me get this straight. Hippolyta knew that Hera was somehow aware—nobody told me how—that Zola and the embryo she carries were on Paradise Island. She didn’t think it was worth mentioning to WW-impostor or anyone except Dessa, Hippolyta’s assistant. She didn’t say, “Hey, you know, Diana, it really isn’t safe here, why don’t you give your buddy Batman a ring and see if you can hang out in the Batcave for a while. Maybe that nice Green Lantern fellow will whip up a cloaking thingamadoodle to keep you from being scryed upon.”
No one wondered why Strife, Hera’s legitimate daughter, just happened to turn up when she did. And wouldn’t it at least occur to someone that she might have her mother’s interests at heart?
Momma Hera heard Strife’s revelation about WW-impostor being Zeus’s bastard child over the scryer! I wonder if Hera is pissed that Strife had been withholding that tidbit of information from her?If so, it’s not mentioned.
Strife is aware that Hera is tuned in, but either confident that mommy won’t spank her or willing to risk it for some reason.
And why did Strife bring it up when she did? She likes to cause trouble, yes, got it. But, presumably she’d known this info for a while. Why then, at that particular moment? Maybe there’s a reason.
There’s probably a reason.There are very few reasons set forth for anything in this book.
We readers will probably never know why Strife felt that was just the right time to play that card. It came at a good time for the creators to stir their little stew pot, though. That’s the reason, I bet.
Again, I marvel at the fact that scryer-equipped Hera knows only what the creators need her to know. She found out about Zola. But not WW-impostor. Surely she knew of Hippolyta and her daughter. Did she buy the made-of-clay story? Did it ever occur to her to wonder just which gods animated the clay baby? Can they even do that?
Everyone in this book knows only what the creators need them to know. WW-impostor and even Hermes apparently don’t know Hera can scry. Or else they’d be in the Batcave under a glowing, green cloaking thingamadoodle.
They know Hera has ways of finding things out, like about Zeus knocking up some skinny girl in rural Virginia. How do they suppose Hera did that?
They don’t suppose. Nobody in this book thinks. They just dance when the creators pull their strings.
Hera takes a big axe and goes out in the rain to confront Hera. Hera is wearing only her peacock feather cape again. Uh-oh.
Back to the nightclub in London.
WW-impostor continues being cold to Strife. The subject of Hera comes up. Strife puts her hand on Zola’s tummy and makes a remark about extracting “it,” the child in the making. She’s kidding, I think. Maybe.
WW-impostor takes it seriously enough to pin Strife’s offending hand to a table using a jagged, broken champagne flute.
Looks like I was right that arrows could have done her some damage. Strife leaves bleeding and in a snit.
Back to Paradise Island. Hera is furious with Hippolyta. Hippolyta gives Hera the axe. She brought it for Hera to use to cut her, Hippolyta’s head off.
The Amazons come to the defense of their Queen.
Oh, so now they’re ready to try firing some arrows at a god.
Hera relents a little. She decides not to cut Hippolyta’s head off. But….
Back to London, in WW-impostor’s home, Zola and WW-impostor talk about their troubles. Zola can’t go home again. WW-impostor can’t let her. Because of Hera? I guess WW-impostor thinks it’s safer here in London, out clubbing with gods, including Hera’s legitimate daughter who she has just royally pissed off. Then again, WW-impostor thought Paradise Island would be safe. Not so much, as it turns out, but WW-impostor doesn’t know that yet.
Talk of home and family makes WW-impostor decide to go back to Paradise Island. Right now.
Remember, the big, emotional exit, taking with her “the shame?”Guess it wasn’t that big a deal after all.
False drama. Never mind.She trades Hermes her sword and shield for his kerykeion, the staff with the snakes thing. He didn’t have it with him when we first saw him, he didn’t have it when he was brought to the Paradise Island, but later, there it was, conveniently serving as a crutch. Oh, these gods are tricky.The kerykeion works like the key Hermes gave Zola. It teleports WW-impostor back to Paradise Island.
Hera has, apparently, turned Hippolyta to stone and all the Amazons to snakes. WW-impostor apologizes to her stone mother for leaving in a huff. No reaction whatsoever to the Amazons’ being snaked or Mom’s being stoned.
In Darfur, Bright-eyes and War finish their chat. Either it was a looong chat or the creators arbitrarily broke it in two and stuck it at either end of the rest of the stuff.
Despite his ad hoc oracles’ warning that there is trouble ahead that will not end “good” for him, Bright-eyes is apparently interested in trying to usurp his father’s throne. War doesn’t want to be a player. He’ll “sit this one out.”
Well, I made it through all four and didn’t throw any of them away in disgust, so there’s that.
I think I nailed it yesterday. I said,”…the creators are going for “moments” rather than story, sound and fury rather than substance…and some puerile titillation.”
They succeed pretty well at those things. Nice moments and clever bits happen along regularly. The occasional good line is said. Intense emotions, battles, and drama abound. Then there’s the T&A. It’s not too over the top, though.
The art is appealing and usually conveys information well, including subtleties. When it doesn’t show something clearly, it seems to be unwisely on purpose.
This collection of events makes no sense. The behavior of the characters makes no sense. Very little justification of anything is offered, not that the events and the behavior of the characters could be justified.
And it’s not Wonder Woman. Carol A. Strickland likened it to Xena. Not a bad call, but Xena: Warrior Princess makes a lot more sense.
I don’t like New 52 Wonder Woman, the comic book. The moments and such aren’t enough to overcome the irrationality and occasional stupidity of the characters and the ill-conceived, logic-free situations they muddle through.
And of course, creators Azzarello and Chiang make not the slightest nod to the fact that this collection of events is being published in a periodical format. Issues just start right into the latest batch of events.
I tried that myself today. Anybody notice? I just picked up the review from where I left it and pressed on.If anyone tunes in to this blog for the first time today, I wonder if they’ll be confused. Think they’ll have the patience to check out previous posts?
NEXT: Who Are These Guys?
No, not Azzarello and Chiang